I am 34 years old, living with stage IV Endometriosis, possibly adenomyosis and struggled with infertility for almost 4 years. I also struggled with PPD. I am a mother to a son that was born at 18 weeks and too precious for this earth; and now a mother to a son born in August 2011. By journaling here, I hope to benefit both for myself and for others that are dealing with this disease and fertility struggles. Thanks for visiting!





Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Waiting game

So, I sought after a new GYN.  Not sure that was a really good idea-don't really think these folks are any better that the old (at least the old ones were used to me), but, it did  bring about a repeat ultrasound where they detected a 3cm mass on my right ovary.  That damned right ovary.  This time they don't suspect an endometrioma, though because of it's characteristics (solid).  They say it's a dermoid.  (Look it up-SO GROSS!)  Only time will tell.

It needs to come out.  Thankfully.  I'm thankful because I'm tired of the growing nausea.  Tired of the swelling and tenderness.  Tired of the BLEEDING.  And, quite frankly, tired.

I asked for a referral to a new center we have here that specializes in "Pelvic Health" issues and surgeries since my surgical past was a little complicated.  It's like waiting to see if you get into graduate school!  ;)  My records have been sent and I'm waiting to see if I'll be "accepted" as a new patient.  I should hear sometime this week.  Fingers are crossed!!!

So, the waiting game begins.  Ready to get this monster out of me!!!

Monday, October 13, 2014

2nd opinion

Ok, so, after having my period again, with only 7 days between two...I have sought another opinion.  Of a FEMALE GYN.  So, I went on Friday.  Nothing new to report from that-she did an exam, ran some bloodwork (TSH, freeT4, etc-all normal) and today I am going in for a "Day 5" ultrasound to see if we can spot anything in there.  If nothing, I'll do a hysterosonography (aka, water ultrasound).  If that shows nothing, then, we are going to try a progesterone for a few days to STOP all bleeding.  Then, I'll stop the progesterone and HOPE that it "resets" everything.  If that doesn't help...we'll move foward with other options.

So, I'm feeling more hopeful today.  At least there is a plan and not so drastic options being laid out before me.

Fingers crossed!

Until then, I'm so thankful for this little blessing in our lives.  I can't even begin to describe how much he means to us and what I feel inside for this child.  A true miracle that lights up our lives in every way.  As much as I hate my insides, they did end up pulling through for me.  I gotta give my uterus some props for that, right (even if it did need a lot of assistance)?!?!?

 

Monday, September 15, 2014

Talk to me about hysterectomy

I'm over my uterus.  Over it.  I hate it.  It hates me.  Mutual feelings I suppose.  I'm now having my cycle every 20-25 days with light bleeding at least 5 days before.  So, I'm bleeding every 15-20 days.  I'm totally over it.  Not only that, but, my cyclical migraines are back...the ones that I used to only get on BCP.

I can't take BCP because of my migraines with Auras...I don't WANT anything INSERTED inside of me.  I dont do well with drugs sometimes...I can only imagine.

I am seriously considering talking to my Dr. about a hysterectomy.  Obviously I'm not having anymore children (not for lack of trying).  I'm pretty sure you have to ovulate for that?  ;)

Give me the pros and cons.

I found a "Center for Pelvic Health" here, and, I'm going to make an appointment.  I'm DEFINITELY done with my OB's office.  They tell me irregular bleeding isn't a symptom of endo.  So, when I looked on THEIR website the other day, why is that at #3????

So frustrated!!!

Friday, February 14, 2014

In between bleeding?

So, every month is absolute psychological torture for me.  The week before my period, I start a little song and dance of spotting on and off.  Sometimes it's heavier than others.  I ALWAYS convince myself it's implantation bleeding.  It NEVER is.

Today (TMI those that know me) we had sex.  I went to the bathroom immediately afterwards and realized I was bleeding.  Husband, unfortunately, realized it too.  Guess how far from my period I am?  ONE WEEK.
This is getting out of hand.  I will freak out for the next week, convincing myself that I am pregnant.  Of course my boobs hurt and I'm tired.  I MUST BE PREGNANT.  Except that happens every month, far too early.

So, I turned to Dr. Google.  Rookie mistake.  Looks like I could have 1 of ten things wrong with me, including low progesterone, endometriosis (um duh), polyps or fibroids.

So, after the $20 in tests I'll spend over the next week and ultimate heartache next Thursday, should I make a call to the OB?  Or, is this my new normal?

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Infertility? Watch this video...

For anyone that has struggled with infertility, heartache, loss...this is a truly inspiring video.  Not everyone has their happy endings, but, I feel like this is a good video that conveys what a lot people do struggle with...and that most people don't know about.

Watch this

Monday, January 20, 2014

It's been a while...

It's been a while since I've posted here.  I just wanted to take a few minutes to say hello and update you on my world.

I am scared to say it, but, things are going well here.  I mean, don't get me wrong, my body still hates me a good 2 weeks out of the month, but, I've seen far worse.  I've been feeling good overall.  Right after ovulation I start with the PMS symptoms including my trademark endo symptom of nausea.  My pain, though, has been great.  I get CRAZY tired the 1 and 1/2 weeks before my period.  And then my period...nausea....nothing a little zofran can't help.

I've been seeing a nutritionist and have been keeping up with my workouts.  I've lost 13 pounds since October and I think that's had a lot to do with how I've been doing.

I continue to have my endo on hold.  It's there.  I know it.  I know my body too well, but, it's playing nice. And I'm forever grateful for that!!!

I've decided against the hormones (BC/BCP) for another little while.  We are still trying the "old fashioned way" of having another.  That, I still have going against me.  But, I'm ok with that.  We will not be going through anymore IVF, no fertility assistance.  My body has had enough of that.  Our time will be spent focusing on feeling blessed for what we have-our amazing and vibrant (almost) 2 1/2 year old.  I still can't believe he's ours.  I still can't believe he's (almost) 2 1/2.  Time flies.

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Yuuuup

So, I've been to the OBGYN a few times over the last several weeks.  Much to my delight, he took my complaints seriously and did a very thorough exam.  I hurt for DAYS after that exam.  A few days later I had an ultrasound that revealed a 4 cm endometrioma on my left ovary....which is funny because that isn't the side that has been bothering me.  Go figure.

At any rate, surgery is up to me.  Not ready for that yet.  BC-not an option, and at any rate we are keeping things open right now as far as trying again.  We aren't preventing anymore and just seeing what happens.

So, I just sit and wait.  Wait until my period is so frequent I can't handle the constant bleeding?  Wait until the pain is just too much to function?  I'll know when the time is right.  When I'm ready to go "there" again.  There are so many questions surrounding surgery, I'm just not ready to go there yet. Remove the bothersome ovary?  What about my colon involvement and it's attachment to my uterus?  Hysterectomy? 

Not ready for any of that yet.

In the meantime, I'm doing what I can to take good care of myself.  My fatigue seems to be a little better-I started exercising more frequently and maybe that's helped?  It's definitely helped my psyche.

And, in the midst of all this, our amazing little man turned two this week.  I can't believe it.  HOW has TWO YEARS gone by so quickly?  he's our entire world and I am so thankful everyday that he is ours.